At some point in the evening, Brig excused himself to go to the toilet. The Buddha offered to show him the way. As they stood in front of the urinals relieving themselves, the Buddha asked what Brig thought of A-Ying.
“I’d fuck her…with your dick.”
“I’d be honored to fuck her for you with my dick. She’d definitely enjoy it more. I think she likes you.”
“Of course she does. What’s not to like?”
“I mean she really likes you, and I’m sure she wants to show you how much…tonight.”
It took Brig a few seconds to understand what the Buddha was implying. “Oh man. No. No! I can’t. We can’t! We’re missionaries! The drinking and being with the girls is one thing, but…no. There is no way.”
“Come on Elder. Nobody’s going to find out. If you don’t take Ying back to the apartment, Mei won’t go back with me. For you, it’s only been a year, but for me it’s been two! I’m all backed up. It’s not healthy.”
“A year. Try twenty-one years!”
Now it was the Buddha’s turn to be flummoxed. He stared at Brig, seemingly unable to comprehend what he had heard. “Wait a minute. Are you a virgin? You mean you’ve never been laid?”
“That’s basically the definition of a virgin, and yes, I am one!”
“Why would I lie to you about something like that? Actually. Check that. I should’ve lied to you. So forget I said anything and let’s go home.”
“Forget about it? My missionary companion reveals that he has never known a woman before, and you want me to forget about it? No can do. I have a new mission now…and it’s getting you laid.”
“95% or more of the missionaries out here are virgins. It’s not unusual. In fact, it’s the norm.”
“First, I would question your math and your source of information. Second, assuming your numbers are correct, that is just sad, and I’ve obviously focused on the wrong objective for the last two years. Third, I can understand why a large percentage of our Elders are still virgins. Frankly, they’re ugly and stupid. But you, you’re smart…and handsome.” The Buddha said ‘handsome’ while licking his lips and raising his eyebrows in mock desire.
“You’re a faggot!”
“The heart wants what the heart wants, Elder Young.” They burst out laughing.
Brig moved to the bathroom sink to wash his hands. He looked at himself in the mirror. “You’re right Elder Wong,” Brig said while continuing to stare at himself.
“Great! Tonight my good friend and companion becomes a man.”
“No. I mean you’re right. I am a handsome man.”
The Buddha chuckled, sighed and got into a martial arts stance. “Don’t make me kill you Elder.”
“I am NOT losing my virginity while serving my mission, and that’s final.”